NEWS

EDWARD SNOWDEN WRITES A “TRUTH MANIFESTO,” JUSTIFIES LEAKS 

It takes some kind of person to write something a dub it a “manifesto.” You’d better be certain they’re at least going to name an ideology after you.

Edward Snowden wrote a TRUTH MANIFESTO (the new and improved version of the OPEN LETTER), and published it in the German magazine Der Spiegel. In it, he justifies his actions and asks the US for clemency, to which every government spokesperson left and right was all BITCH PLEASE.

Is anyone else a liiiiittle bit sick of all this Edward Snowden news? I definitely am. It’s all a little too ridiculous for me. This NSA employee leaks secrets, and then flees to Russia to write “truth manifestos.” You don’t need to convince anyone, Snowden. Those who are with you are with you and those who aren’t, aren’t. And I don’t know if I totally respect just peacing out after you raised serious hell in North America. And you peaced out to Russia. I mean, RUSSIA, Edward? Don’t whine about personal freedoms in your home and native land while you’re taking asylum in RUSSIA where you’re gainfully employed and have been spotted in Moscow taking coy pictures on ferries. If you care about personal freedoms, Russia is the LAST place you should be. You’re now fodder for Putin to dangle in front of the US. You should go home and face the music, and then I think your “hero” status will be much more sound. But whatever, it is what it is. But can we cut it with the manifestos? It’s a bit much. I’m over it! Via Daily Mail. 

RALLY IN IRAN, PROTESTORS CRY “DEATH TO AMERICA”

Yikes. You’ve got a lot of ground to cover, John Kerry.

Protestors gathered outside of the old American embassy in Tehran today to make it perfectly clear that the US can go fuck itself, immediately if not sooner. The protest marks the 34th anniversary of the siege on the (now old) American embassy in Tehran, where 52 Americans were held hostage for months beginning in 1979.

Protestors were shouting “death to America” and “death to Israel” while burning both countries’ flags. The protest is said to be in response to Iranian President Hassan Rouhani’s recent outreach to the US.

Well, at least these haters are a minority. The protestors reportedly represent a small portion of Iranians, those of whom are radical Muslims, see the US as the “Great Satan,” and will basically never change their minds. Call me an optimist, but the silver lining in this protest is what they’re protesting about. They hate the fact the Rouhani is a moderate answer to Ahmadinejad. They hate the fact that US and Iranian leaders are speaking directly for the first time in years. They hate the fact that the US and Iran might be moving towards a more harmonious future. By the sounds of it, at least their outcries go to show that positive change **may** be on the horizon. Fingers crossed. Via Al Jazeera. 

KING TUTANKHAMUN CAUSE OF DEATH ANNOUNCED

Anyone else remember learning about King Tutankhamun in elementary school? I was all about him. Mummies, pharaohs, Egypt, the pyramids..fascinating! That’s why coming across this story today (via The Independent) brought back memories of cursive writing, hot lunches, braces, and awkward-as games of truth or dare.

ANYWAY, Egyptologist Chris Naunton thinks he and his team have uncovered the mystery King Tut’s elusive death. Drum roll…it was a chariot accident! Previous confusion was due to the burn marks on Tut’s body, but now scientists are attributing that to a botched embalming (amateurs). So poor dude’s horse wasn’t quite right, or maybe he was racing some other young buck to prove who’s golden shank was the shiniest (I know nothing about Egyptian paraphernalia, clearly). Actually, it was probably a battle of some sort (Tut was in a lot of battles). But yeah, the injuries on his body appear to be akin to ones the would hypothetically be sustained in a very bad chariot accident.

Tutankhamun was super famous mainly because his tomb was discovered almost perfectly intact (NEAT!) and his burial mask, pictured above, is pretty much the worldwide symbol for ancient Egypt. Other interesting facts about King Tut: he was 19 when he died, making him a boy king. He had a number of birth defects and had a very slight build, leading experts to believe that he was probably a product of incest. Speaking of incest, he married his half sister, and they had two babies, both stillborn. RIP Tut.

2 BILLION PLANETS IN OUR GALAXY ARE ARE ABLE TO SUPPORT LIFE (PROBABLY)

A new study, published today in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, announced that there are over 2 billion planets in our galaxy alone that are capable of supporting life. The conjecture comes from data collected from the Kepler space observatory, showing that approximately 22% of the sun-like stars in our galaxy had rocky planets orbiting them that received roughly the same amount of sunlight that the Earth does from the Sun.

Hmm. That’s a lot of potential life. Whenever my head gets a’buzzing with ridiculous thoughts and worries and dramas, I’m just going to think of space from now on. Seriously, the best therapy I’ve ever had was going to see Gravity in IMAX 3-D. It’s like on the one hand your boss is being an ass…on the other hand we’re all floating in SPACE (what the hell is space, anyway?) and there’s probably a planet like 12 light years away that has life on it and who KNOWS what’s going on over there, like do they even have the capacity to worry? Is that a natural part of advanced life? Etc etc. The energy I spend worrying is easily transferred into thinking about space, and that could go on for hours. Via The Guardian. 

CELEBRITY GOSSIP

COREY FELDMAN’S MOM SAYS HIS AUTOBIOGRAPHY IS “MOSTLY LIES,” BUT SHE’S NUTS  

Poor, poor Corey Feldman. The poor kid was doomed from the beginning. This is evidenced more clearly than ever in his new biography, Coreyography (oh geez). His mom was/is insane, and there are allegations of drug abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse…every kind of abuse you can possibly imagine. Honestly the epitome of the tragic trope of a child star. I’m skeptical of anything the mom says. She’s just a sketchy character: ex porn-star, lived off of Corey’s income as a child, and doesn’t even defend herself well or convincingly when claiming this is all lies. Looking at Corey’s life his claims sound like anything but a lie.

Still, I hate to say it, but Corey makes me extremely uncomfortable. His history, his appearance, his stories, his recent birthday party…I can’t handle it. Don’t have the stomach for it. And what is it with creepy dudes and the RED TIE?! LOSE THE BRIGHT RED TIE! IT’S A TERRIBLE LOOK! BURN THEM ALL! IT MIGHT WORK MAYBE IF IT’S A DEEPER RED BUT IT NEVER IS!

With that awful rant that renders me a despicable human out of the way, I wish Corey the best and hope he heals. Poking fun of Corey is a cheap shot. He needs to surround himself with good people and positive influences, step awayyyyy from the bad shit (not sure if he’s using the bad shit but can we assume he’s using at least some of the bad shit? I would), and take the money from this book and subsequent appearances and START FRESH! All the best, Corey. Via Radar.

BROLIN UPDATE: HE TOOK HIS DRUNK ASS TO A DEL TACO DRIVE-THRU ON SATURDAY, WREAKED HAVOC

Yesterday, I mentioned that Josh Brolin got wastey-pants in Santa Monica on Saturday night and got in a bar fight. But he didn’t stop there! Brolin did what any good drunk does after the bar: hit the fast food drive-thru and act like an asshole to those employees who I’m sure contemplate quitting their job every 12 minutes.

Brolin got into an altercation with a cab driver after he rear-ended him in the drive-thru. Which begs the really scary question: Was Josh Brolin…driving? God I hope not. I really hope everything up to leaving the club was fun, Josh, because your booty is paying for it this week. Yeesh! Via TMZ. 

DID ANYONE CATCH MARILYN MANSON’S CAMEO ON EASTBOUND AND DOWN LAST NIGHT?

Manson had a teensy cameo as Kenny Powers’ server at a roller-rink. Totally random, but then again I find all of Manson’s cameos really random. Also I can’t believe I’m saying this but I actually missed Stevie weirding me out last night. Don’t get me wrong, I was weirded out like 4 times, but normally Eastbound sends SHIVERS down my spine with Stevie scenes. Next week. Via TMZ. 

REMEMBER JENA MALONE? 

Yeah every girl who grew up in the early ’00s was jealous of Jena Malone. She had all the movie roles that you pictured yourself in as you were doodling in your agenda or staring out the window on the bus listening to your 1st generation iPod. She was Emile Hirsch’s love interest at least TEN TIMES for godssake!

Well she’s all grown up, and here she is now at The Hunger Games premiere:

Actually, I think she looks about 4 months older than she did in 2001, to be honest. Keep it up, Jena! And please marry Emile Hirsch so my Grade 8 heart can be both enchanted and broken at the same time. Via HuffPo Celeb. 

FINAL THOUGHT

WHY DO REMEMBRANCE DAY PINS HAVE TO BE THE SCARIEST ACCESSORY EVER?

Now that it’s November, I wear my Remembrance Day poppy with pride. I think it’s a lovely and respectful tradition. But can someone please tell me why we haven’t moved onto a better system for affixing them to one’s jacket? Do we still need that loose, dangling, ready-to-stab death needle poking out from all of our coats? I know, I know, put an eraser on the prick. There’s a couple of tricks. But why not just make it a safety pin? I spend November 1-11 walking around the city in constant fear of falling down and poking my eye out. And dammit I know I’m not alone. What’s the dealio?